Classroom Jokes

Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Tanner said to the little boy while holding out her hand.
“My dog ate it,” was his reply.
“Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true, Miss Tanner, I swear,” insisted the boy. “I had to force him, but he ate it!”

Said a boy to his teacher one day,
“Wright has not written ‘rite’ right, I say.”
So the teacher replied,
As the error she eyed,
“Right. Wright, write ‘rite’ right, right away.

Jane came home from her first day at school. When asked about school she explained to her mother, “It was all right except for some lady named Teacher who kept spoiling our fun.”

Mrs. Jones brought her son Elmer to register at the school. However, little Elmer was only five and the required age was six.
“I think,” said Mrs. Jones to the principal, “that he can pass the six-year-old test.”
“We’ll see,” replied the principal . “Elmer, say the first thing that comes to your mind.”
“Do you want logically connected sentences,” said Elmer, “or a spontaneous sampling of random words?”

Rupert: (after the teacher handed out the report cards): I don’t want to scare you, teacher, but my father said that if I didn’t bring home a good report card, somebody was going to get spanked!

Second Grade Student: I really liked being in your class Miss Jones. I’m sorry you’re not smart enough to teach us next year.

Drew: Want to hear the story about the broken pencil?
Lew: No thanks, I’m sure it has no point.

How do you begin a story about . .
Palm trees? Once a palm a time . . . .
Chess? Once a pawn a time . . . .
A little lake? Once a pond a time . . . .
A joke? Once a pun a time . . .

Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
Junior : You said it was my lunch money.

Allen: I won a prize in kindergarten today. The teacher asked me how many legs a hippopotamus has. I said three.
Father: Three? How on earth did you win the prize?
Allen: I came the closest.

Son: Dad, I’m tired of doing homework.
Father: Now son, hard work never killed anyone yet.
Son: I know, Dad, but I don’t want to be the first.

Anne: Great news! The teacher said we’d have a test today rain or shine!
Jan: What’s so great about that?
Anne: It’s snowing!

Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Son: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Son: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.

Daughter: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Daughter: Your name on this report card.

Boy: Isn’t the principal a dummy!
Girl: Say, do you know who I am?
Boy: No.
Girl: I’m the principal’s daughter.
Boy: And do you know who I am?
Girl: No.
Boy: Thank goodness!

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You might be a teacher if (funny)

You’ve ever said “Put that gum on your nose!” …outside of the classroom.

You can’t have children because there is no name you can think of that doesn’t give you high blood pressure.

You hand pieces of paper to your friends and make them spit out their gum in front of you.

Your voice is permanently set on high volume from attempting to be heard over students’ voices day after day.

You’re more strict with the kids at school than at home.

You correct a total stranger’s grammar errors.

When you go shopping and your kids spot a friend, the kid’s parents come over and say hi, and you don’t remember ever meeting them.

Any sustained loud noise causes you to impulsively flick the light switch on and off.

You send another adult to detention for using four-letter words in public … and they go.

You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to have all your holidays and summers free.”

You cringe whenever someone says, “At least you give three months vacation.”

Or “I would love to get off work at 3.”

(Most) people allow you to tell their child what to do.

You have at least one piece of jewelry that lights up.

Your own children have to raise their hands to capture your attention.

You can tell it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.

When out in public, you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.

When you mention “vegetables,” you’re not talking about a food group.

Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.

You believe chocolate is a food group.

~author unknown

Positive classroom environment

24) What do you do to help your students learn in a climate of optimism and hope? Do you have a successful strategy you can share?

I don’t allow the words “I can’t” to be used in my classroom.  I have a poster on the wall that suggests instead “Please help me.”  “I don’t understand.” “I’m struggling.”  If I hear “I can’t” my immediate response is “Yes, you can! I know you can!  You’re smart!”  Often the problem is students looking at a large problem and rather than break it down into smaller steps they just put up a wall.  So I stand behind them and help them break it down.  As I walk around my room watching students work I offer lots of praise verbally and through pats on the back.  Sometimes the thing that makes a student smile the most is when I see what they’re doing and say “Ok you don’t need me, I’ll go help someone else.”  I have also nurtured my classes to be helpful to one another through coaching; I explain that doing for someone is not the same as helping.  We help by offering hints “coaching” that lead the person to the right answer.  The students have taken to it so well, if someone is stuck and I’m helping another student invariably they will end up with at least one classmate at their side talking them through.  They cheer for each other as well.

Mentoring

17) What is one way you could mentor / support a colleague this year and share your knowledge?

I have been working through e-mail and a district message board to help support the new technology classroom assistants in my district.  When I started this position three years ago I was overwhelmed even with my 10 years of teaching experience.  So I used that message board and corresponded frequently with those TCAs with experience, now that I’m one with experience I try to answer questions as often as possible, throw out ideas I’ve used.  I just try to be there.

Things You’ll Never Hear a Teacher Say (funny)

9. “Thank goodness for these evaluations. They keep me focused.”

8. “I’d like to see Red Lobster throw down a meal like this!”

7. “I can’t BELIEVE I get paid for this!!!!”

6. “Here class…just put all your gym shoes in this box next to my desk.”

5. “I bet all the people in our administration really miss teaching!!”

4. “Gosh, the bathroom smells so fresh and clean!”

3. “It must be true…the school news said so!”

2. “I think the discipline around here is just a LITTLE too strict!!”

1. “It’s Friday already???????”

~author unknown

Advice to those interested in teaching

14) If a young person told you they wanted to become a teacher, what would you tell her/him?

Great!  Before you officially declare education as your major see if you can get in and observe lots of classrooms in different places.  Get a good idea of what you want to teach and at what level.  One of my best friends had decided she wanted to teach but she wasn’t sure what level so she spent a day with me in my middle school classroom.  At the end of the day she still wanted to teach just never middle school lol.  If I had done more of that I would have known that I wanted to teach middle school rather than thinking I’d avoid it like the plague because of the hormones 🙂  I did spend my senior year of high school in both child development and advanced child development classes working in our in building preschool.  I also cadet taught a sophomore English class with one of the best teachers I ever had.  I didn’t even give middle school a chance and I wish I had.  You love kids, you love a subject area GREAT now explore what level is right for you.  Maybe it’s the little ones, maybe it’s special education, maybe it’s middle or high school, maybe it’s college, but spend some time observing at every level!

Making Rubrics

JBC: 21) How do you design the perfect rubric?

Rubistar!  I love that site.  I use it as a basis and then build from there.  I try to be sure I cover exactly what I want to see in my student’s final product.  I provide the students with the rubric at the beginning of the project.   I take their feedback.  I have even created rubrics on the SMART board using Rubistar with my classes.