Teacher: Your spelling is much better Ronald. Only five mistakes that time.
Student: Thank you Miss Smith.
Teacher: Now let’s go on to the next word.
Teacher: How do you spell Mississippi?
Student: The river or the state Miss?
Teacher: If “can’t” is short for “cannot,” what is “don’t” short for?
Teacher: Are you good in math?
Student: Yes and no.
Teacher: What does that mean?
Student: Yes, I’m no good in math.
Teacher: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
Student: I get up early.
Student: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Student: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
Teacher: Seymour, you copied from Susan’s test didn’t you?
Student: How did you find out?
Teacher: Susan’s test answer says, “I don’t know,” and yours says, “Me neither.”
Teacher: How old were you on your last birthday?
Teacher: How old will you be on your next birthday?
Teacher: That’s impossible.
Student: No, it isn’t, Teacher. I’m eight today.
Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I’m Billy Anderson.
Teacher: Didn’t you promise to behave?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: And didn’t I promise to punish you if you didn’t?
Student: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don’t expect you to keep yours.
Teacher: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
Tommy: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground then you are.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”
Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Don’s paper.
John: I hope you didn’t either.
Student: I don’t think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.
Teacher: Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.
Father: What’s that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.
Teacher: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
Student: You can’t fool me, Teacher… snakes don’t have feet.
Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Student: Don’t bite any.
Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
Ellen: I is…
Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say, “I am.”
Ellen: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
Teacher: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
Student: A new bike.
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Student: One dollar.
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Class Clown: Big hands!