Excuses actually received by teachers (funny)

Dear School: Please accuse John from being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

May could not come to school because she was bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school becuz he has an acre in his back.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.

Lillian was absent from school because she had a going over.

My son has been under the doctor’s care and should not take fizacal ed. Please execute him.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Joyce from PE for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.

Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sore trout.

Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Stanley had to miss some school. He had an attack of whooping cranes in his chest.

Lynda was away as she had stripe infection.

Please excuse Jane. She had an absent tooth. Wednesday she will have an appointment with the orinthologist.

Dear Teacher: Please excuse my daughter’s absence for the past week, as she had a case of the fool.

~from San Francisco Teacher, 1978

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